So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
