Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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