I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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