I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
