I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
