Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
how does that bad decision feel?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
