Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
my shit smells like andre
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
