he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
