that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
