Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
