i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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