i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
