make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Randomize