All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
