Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
