i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
