we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
