We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
