They should really pass out barf bags in church
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
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