i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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