The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
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