I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I just gargled with NyQuil
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
