Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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