I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
