She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
You took a bar mat shot.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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