I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize