Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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