Can Purell be used as lube?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
