I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
