you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Randomize
