i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
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