Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
