Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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