I swear she didn't look like that last week.
babies were throwing up all over the place
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
