Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
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