I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
