Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
