I'm drive I can fine osifer
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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