dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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