Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
this just has baby written all over it
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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