that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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