He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
