Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize