I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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