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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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