I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Randomize
