): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Randomize
