I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
