I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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