Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
