Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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