tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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