But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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