i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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