You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
