Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
