she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
