make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Randomize
