My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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