i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
